eternal-fractal:

urbanfantasyinspiration:

bunniefriend-deactivated2022111:

bunniefriend-deactivated2022111:

wanna see my favorite sculpture?

That’s fucking rad

random sculptor:

“hey you know what’d be fucked up to see in the woods at night?”

(via i-command-you-to-feed-me)

patovpran:

I won’t apologize for the person I’ll become when Percy Jackson series airs

(via the-twerking-angels)

charlesoberonn:

funnytwittertweets:

Scientist with 20 ponytails: Quantum fluctuations.

(via queenanne1532)

scientia-rex:

moki-dokie:

badjokesbyjeff:

A young couple dies on their way to their wedding

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, ‘I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,’ and he left. The couple sat and waited for an answer…. for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? What if it doesn’t work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?’ Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. Yes,’ he informed the couple, ‘You can get married in Heaven.’ ‘Great!’ said the couple. ‘But we were just wondering; what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?’ St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. ‘What’s wrong?’ asked the frightened couple. ‘OH, COME ON!!!’ St. Peter shouted. ‘It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take to find a lawyer?

JEFF

I just read this out loud to my husband, a lawyer, and the face he made was DELIGHTFUL

(via queenanne1532)

derinthescarletpescatarian:

reverendyoda:

derinthescarletpescatarian:

friendly-neighborhood-wizard:

derinthescarletpescatarian:

Should’ve checked whether anyone in my house likes eggs before we got chickens. I have 67 eggs that need eating.

go out and throw them at cop cars

How many cop cars do you think are within walking distance of my house

Once you egg the first, there’s a delivery service for more.

Ah yes, the Grand Theft Auto method

(via queenanne1532)

baboon-87:

zicko:

johnnyjoestarrelatable:

johnnyjoestarrelatable:

being moderately proficient with computers in the early 2010s was casting a hex on your family to call you sheldon

i got a big bang theory box set and a bazinga t shirt for christmas when i was 16

my dad wanted to get me a psych eval so i could say “im not crazy. my father had me tested.” like sheldon did and after the psych eval they diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia

this could be the funniest thing that has happened to anyone ever. my condolences king

(via the-twerking-angels)

irishshauna:

(via toebeans-mcgee)

sweetsweetemo:

louisinart:

passionpeachy:

what is stopping hackers from displaying jeff bezo’s credit card number on times square

That just isn’t right. If they displayed his credit card number, the credit company would likely waive all charges made to the account and pay for it by raising fees for everyone else. If they display his DEBIT card, though, that’s a direct line baby.

you. i like you.

(via toebeans-mcgee)